Do you have trouble understanding women?
When it comes to modern dating, women say they want something, but do they actually mean it? One of the most controversial things to say is that a woman doesn’t know what she really wants in a relationship. Women say they want a, but they really want b. Well so what do they really want?
Sometimes its about female biology. A woman’s brain and body have a lot to say about their behavior. The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine gives us amazing, controversial and juicy insight to female behavior. In this book, I’ll be focusing on the chapters of Love and Trust, Sex:The Brain below the belt.
The information in these chapters will be provocative. You will be offended, challenged and/or disgusted. To suggest that women’s behavior could be determined by their biology, is the “sexist” thing to say in today’s society. However this article is meant to bring out those “sexist” theories and possible truths.
Biology is one of the truths ignored in our society today. Instead, cultural conditioning is assumed to be the only thing explaining human behavior. But its not. Biology has a place in tellings us why we do what we do. Women are socialized by society in many ways, but their biology also determines their behavior as well.
What does a woman want in a man?
A girl meets a guy that she likes and decides to date him. Do you ever wonder why? Is it just love and chemistry at work? If you’re a “cynical” person, you might think she’s dating him for other reasons such as his bank account, social status or looks. Well, according to Louann in this book, you’re not cynical at all. Why?
Because attraction could have involved other things. Louann uses an example of a woman falling in love with a man. She explains the attraction being linked to the man’s social status and financial resources. Why? Because evolutionary psychologists understand that these are a woman’s mating preferences. To be more specific, these preferences are inherited from ancestral women.
Ancestral women had to ensure their survival including their own children. This meant looking for a mate with financial resources and social status. These two things would indicate more physical and emotional protection.
Where was the danger for ancestral women? It would start from choosing to have a baby.
If a woman was to mate with a man, she would have to bear the cost of having a child. This means 9 months of pregnancy, and the danger of raising the child alone. Whoever a woman mates with, she has to be sure he has the financial resources and social status to provide protection.
Is the danger the same for modern women today? Absolutely not. However the ancestral instincts and preferences have been inherited. Although modern women today might not admit it, they do care about a man with resources and social status. They might not tell you straight up that those are her preferences, because they are more like instincts.
Do you think that women care about financial resources and social status?
Louann speaks at Tedx about the fact there is no unisex brain.
Read The Female Brain.
Why a woman may love you but is scared to commit
Do you ever wonder why a girl can’t make up her mind about a guy? Or seem to make up their mind about you? If it seems like girls are hesitant when it comes to love, there is probably a good reason for this. And the reason is natural selection.
Ancestral men who learned how to fake their interest and level of commitment to a woman got more sex. That’s right, the better the liar you were, the more non-committal sex you got. What did women think? They took action into their own hands. Nature took its course and women learned to develop their ability to read men’s deceitful behavior.
What this means for a modern woman is that its better not to commit early. Even if she likes you, her brain is telling her that she should wait on you. Even though she may have emotions or feelings for you, she most likely wants to take it slow. Based on Louann’s writing, its probably more of a gut feeling rather than a logical breakdown.
A woman’s brain in love, if you didn’t know, focuses on things like gut feelings, attention and memory circuit. This is something you and me can’t understand. It is a brain that sense whether or not you’re the right choice for her. You and her might be having the greatest time from your perspective. But if she feels like something is off, she can back out anytime she wants.
Why does she back out of sex?
What’s the worst thing than no sex? Blue balls. Yes we know the term. We all know the pain when a girl backs out of sex last minute. Especially when you planned the date and time.So why would a woman back out of sex?
The main reason for this is stress. Women just can’t have sex when they’re stressed. This is precisely why foreplay is so important before sex for a woman.Women need to be put in a state of relaxation before they have sex. They need to take their mind off things then everything can get started for them. With that said, Louann wants you to focus on foreplay up to 24 hours before the sex deed.
Okay, that’s something you can do for sure. But why can’t a stressed woman proceed with getting into the mood? A possible reason is that the stress hormone cortisol, blocks the oxytocin (happy chemical) from reaching the brain. Once again, avoid stressful situations.
One thing you could do is a staycation. Get your lady away from her stress and thoughts and then have all the fun you need. Do all the foreplay you need, but just understand that it is necessary. On top of that don’t ever decide to have sex with a woman after fighting with her. You are fighting biology.
It is much easier if you are more connected with your woman, for her to want to engage and have sex with you. This might sound like common sense, but this book tells it like its science.
Louann gives a talk at Google, and makes a comment on female sexual strategy.
Do women cheat?
Louann’s answer to this is probably not. And this section of the book is probably the most controversial. The big question is can you trust your girlfriend to only desire you? Will she fantasize having sex with other men? Most probably yes.
Why? Women’s biology says so. One interesting study indicates that smell has something to do with it. During a woman’s ovulatory cycle, their “mood brightens up” when they are exposed to a certain smell. This smell is not necessarily yours. It could be the smell of some other dude. And the worst part is that this brightened mood lasts for hours. But what does this have to do with women cheating?
A guy named Jon Havelick has theorized through research that ovulating women with partners preferred other “dominant” men based on their smell. This didn’t apply to single women. Only women with partners had this smell preference. So what’s was Jon’s theory?
His theory was that single women are built to secure a home with a nurturing partner first. After that, they go around looking for men with better genes for sex.
How true is this? Maybe 10 percent true. A study cited by Louann shows 10 percent of Fathers having children not being their own. And have no idea at all. From this statistic it may seem that women really do care about acquiring better genes other than their long-term partner. For you, it may seem that women can’t be trusted. And the reality may be something that you have to slowly work with.
What about the other 90 percent though? Did all these women not want to acquire better genes outside of their marriage? It seems like a lousy theory if 10 percent of women live up to it right?
Do you think a woman’s biology matters?
In this 21st Century age, the majority want women to be liberated and live a life of happiness and fulfillment. Part of that involves acknowledging cultural conditioning. How have we conditioned women to behave in constricted ways in the past? How are we also conditioning women today?
The answers to these questions rarely involve a woman’s evolutionary biology. The reason for that is that it's too politically incorrect. Too many women hate the idea that biology will determine their behavior. And i think the best way to address evolutionary biology is that it influences our behavior. Both men and women.
Louann’s The Female Brain, addresses both men and women’s biology and how it affects our daily lives. If you’d like an easy read uncovering juicy and controversial insights, I would highly recommend buying this book.