Is confidence the key to dating success?
It is a key ingredient, but it is not a magic pill that will solve your dating life. Being confident is attractive. But being attractive might not be enough. Here are 7 things that will help you become more confident around women.
1.) Own your insecurities
Not owning up your insecurities makes you reactive to women. Women could be deliberately or indeliberately poking at you to test you. Your reaction to their poking could be a huge turn off, as they feel that you are easily triggered.
If you did own your insecurities, you wouldn’t react so strongly to them. A woman might be making fun of your height, however you laugh with her. This shows that you are not easily triggered, and you don’t become defensive.
It also shows her specifically that even though you’re short, you don’t react to people calling you short.
Laughing together with her might be seen as letting her step all over you. But I think it's more important to see it as a positive reaction. A positive reaction to your insecurities can be perceived as confidence especially when women are deliberately poking at you.
Reflect on your childhood and youth.
Understanding where you got your insecurity could be key. This is usually a childhood experience. It could have been something that was traumatizing as a kid.
Or it could be a repeated experience that conditioned you to have the insecurity. Common insecurities could be being lazy, your appearance or a certain mannerism.
Take ownership of these insecurities.
Recognize that such events in your childhood might still have some affect on you. But these events do not have to have control over you.
They are a part of you, but they do not control you or define you.
2.)Be honest with what you want
Most men are afraid for asking what they want. Simply because of one thing, they don’t believe they deserve to get what they want.
If you’re not honest with what you want. Women will start to doubt you. And when they do, they will start to question what you say, and not take what you say seriously.
Being honest shows that you believe you deserve to get what you want. No matter what other people think. This is confidence. But on a deeper level it also shows self-love.
Start by practicing saying what you want.
E.g. “I want to do this because it makes me feel.”
“I don’t want to do this because it makes me feel.”.
Doing these practices requires you to be self-aware of what you really want, instead of what you think you should want in order to please other people.
Furthermore don’t be afraid to admit the things you want in life. Such things may be “you want to quit your job”. Or “You wanna do something crazily new with your life.”.
3.) Learn to take risks with women
You take risks not because you have to. But simply because you don’t care too much about the outcome. What is the outcome men are most scared of? Women leaving them after they have taken a risk.
When you take risks with women. It shows that you’re not scared of rocking the boat. You’re not worried about her response to such risks. For women, this is a man not afraid of upsetting her.
In some scenarios, this can be perceived as confidence. It can be seen as an attitude of “no matter what I do, I don’t really care about the effect it has on you.”.
This is the attitude that some assholes and “bad boys” have. And also perhaps part of the reason why women gravitate towards assholes. Even though this is a common trait that assholes have, this doesn’t mean that taking risks has to turn you into an asshole.
Boundary violation, utter disrespect and lack of empathy are not healthy approaches to any kind of relationship.
One way is to purposely challenge what women say. This can be done in a manner that doesn’t seem domineering or uncalled for.
One easy way is to spot easy loopholes in a woman’s argument. If the loophole is staring you in your face. Then just call it out.
This exercise can get you started and become used to just challenging women on what they say. Very soon you will realize that women don’t really care too much if you do this.
Even if they do, you slowly realize their opinion towards you doesn’t really matter that much at all.
4.)Learn to accept rejection with women
This ties in with what was said about taking risks earlier. But this time you have to accept the rejection itself. Even if it wasn’t the outcome of a risk you took, or something wrong that you did. Sometimes a woman decides that she doesn’t want to be around you anymore and you just have to accept it.
As a confident man, you have to be okay with being single or alone. This means that you are okay with not earning the approval or affection of women. Even if you really love or just desire that woman.
Your self-love is not dependant on a woman’s idea or opinion of you. As you slowly realize this and embody this in your life, women can pick up on this self-love/independance in your interactions/dates.
From their perspective, you will come off as a man that doesn’t mind being himself even though it may cause someone to dislike you. This sort of ties in with owning your insecurities.
Learning to accept rejection has to do with, owning yourself as a whole even no matter what other people think.
Date as many women as you can. Go on many dates. Feel the burn of women you’re attracted to just not following up with you.
This is probably the fastest and most painful process to become rejection-proof. Although it might not help you build self-acceptance of self-love. It will help to desensitize you to rejection.
Over time, you realize you still get to date women that you are attracted to and want in your life. And that the many rejections before all didn’t really matter.
5.) Understand your true value for women
Understanding your true value to women is important. For most confident men, i would say this is not tied to the amount of money they’ve made, how popular they are or even how smart they are. Also much less to do with how good-looking they are.
Confident men understand that their presence alone is good enough. Now this may seem extremely arrogant and entitled. But this belief itself sends a very strong message to women.
When you believe that your presence is good enough for a woman. You drop all forms of overcompensation, trying to impress the woman and you start truly being yourself. For women out there, this can be perceived as confidence.
It all starts with knowing your are enough. This is going to be difficult especially when you’re dating someone you perceive “out of your league.”. To truly know you are enough, you have to force yourself to not overcompensate.
This means don’t become a performing monkey. And don’t feel the need to impress her every 5 minutes you’re on a date. This new mode of behavior will show you that overcompensation is not needed at all to gather new positive experiences. A woman will value you even when you’re not overcompensating.
Presence is one thing, but you also have to work on your ability to connect with women. As you get better at connecting with women, you’ll realize how powerful this is for you. Women will truly appreciate you for being able to connect with them.
6.) Know your purpose in Life
Any man who think he’s confident might not know their purpose in life. Any man who knows their purpose in life is most certainly confident. You can be confident about your social life, ability to progress in your career. But this doesn’t mean you know your purpose in life.
Purpose in life itself is an abstract term. How will you know that you have it? Furthermore, how do you go about finding your purpose? Is it something anybody can find?
Knowing your purpose comes off confident is because of your determination behind it. There is a complete ownership of how you are going to live your life. This is confident and it is masculine.
It shows that your life is not dependant on external factors. Even if the world was in chaos, you wouldn’t compromise on your life purpose. This drive of yours will make you very attractive in front of women.
This isn’t a process that takes you days, weeks or months. It could take years. Self-discovery requires more than taking action. It requires self-awareness.
Why do some people discover their purpose overnight unintentionally? Some people get lucky. But not all. In order to guarantee your discovery of your life-purpose, you must be self aware.
This means understanding what’s stopping you from discovering new things and taking action. What are things that interest you, and why do they interest you? These are things that self-awareness will help you with.
7.) Know your self-worth
Do you know what you’re worth? And how much is it really. You may be able to perform all the 6 steps above but not really know your self-worth.
Knowing your self-worth is high will give you confidence. This mindset probably complements all the above steps. If you can get this right, it will help accelerate your development of the above steps.
It will help you become more honest with women. Your sense of self-worth will also soften the blow when taking rejections. Your ego may hurt a bit, but you know your self-worth is good enough for other women.
Knowing your good enough will also help you understand your true value to women.
Conclusion about Confidence
Confidence is not the only thing that matters when attracting women. Many men think that once they achieve this sense of confidence, women will come approaching them very easily. This is likely in only select circumstances.
When it comes to attracting women, you still have to focus on being social and communicative.
This requires practicing conversation with women, asking them out on a date, and going on a date.
Dating requires practice. And even though you may have mastered all the steps above, you still need to learn how to date in the modern world.
Unfortunately, when we’re in school we were not taught how to approach women and start a conversation. All our exposure has been through the media, online coaches and friends. So much information to choose from!
When it comes to dating, I’ve also invested a lot of time in mastering it. And i’m still learning everyday. Confidence is key, but you need to learn to integrate it into your dating life.
If you’re interested to discuss about confidence and integrating that with your dating life. Click here for a discovery call with me.